Best Boyfriend 101
by Daisuki.Bear
Summary: Because Natsume was a hopeless cause, the guys had a get-together where they gave out tips on being the best boyfriend. Because Natsume is, well, Natsume, he ignored all conventions and went in straight for the kill. One shot.


**Best Boyfriend 101**

There was no need for words to be exchanged.

The moment the two of them arrived, the entire bench just knew it. For one, Mikan slammed her plate of food down with so much force lemon tea spilled out of Yuu's glass. She took a seat on the extreme left, furthest away from the extreme right, where Natsume sat with an expression so cold it could freeze Winter.

There was a unanimous groan.

"Not again…" Sumire rolled her eyes and threatened to stab Koko, who was reaching out for one of her fry.

For 8 years, the group had been watching the two of them fight and bicker and break up and make up and all their drama. Boy, it was tiring keeping up with the two of them. One moment they were all sunshine and happiness, and the next moment they were mega typhoons, unleashing their fury and at each other's throats.

They could only sit and wait for the evacuation alert.

No wonder the two remained the only unofficial couple.

"Uhh… So… Has anyone tried the math homework? Real tough, isn't it? Haha…" Ruka tried to ease the situation. Nope. Not working. Mikan was shoving food angrily into her mouth and munching mechanically.

"Guys! How about we catch a movie later? We could go down to town. There's a couple discount today, and we have an even number!" Nonoko clapped her hands and suggested.

Zero response.

Bang. Mikan had slammed her fork down on the table.

"You know, I would love to watch the movie, Nonoko. But can you tell Mr. Arrogant over there not to turn up? It would make my movie experience totally suck."

"Uhh… Right." Nonoko gulped and sent this helpless look across the table. "Natsume? Mikan says…"

"Tell her I wasn't planning to go anyway. She can watch all her lame cartoon movies. I won't laugh."

Mikan twitched.

"Tell him that's wonderful! Then I wouldn't have to see his face."

"Tell her to suit herself."

"Tell him I will. Oh, but then we'll be missing one person. Uhh… We need to find someone else to come along." She paused and glanced around the cafeteria.

"Hey, Jun!" She called out to one of the benches in front of them and waved. Jun turned, slightly apprehensive, and greeted her back. "You want to come along to a movie later? Couple discount! We are short of one person because _Hyuuga _is too good for movies."

Oh my god. Even Hotaru stopped counting her money. Seriously, Mikan sure knew how to aggravate Natsume. Was she doing it on purpose, or did she really not know? Of all guys to pick, she picked Jun. Jun, who had always, always had the hots for her. Jun, whom Natsume couldn't stand the mere presence of. Jun, who was dying to confess to her, though all sorts of things (mainly Natsume's doing) were in his way. Jun, who was the root of many of their disputes.

Way to go.

Of course, how could he miss out on this chance? Jun couldn't agree to it fast enough.

"Brace…brace… Get into emergency position immediately! Duck for cover!" Mochu cried out as the temperature at the table shot up drastically. Anna's ice cream turned into a puddle of melted liquid.

"Koko, tell Mikan that she sure has a weird taste in men. But with her face, she is lucky to have scored someone, even if that person is Jun." Natsume spat venomously.

She turned sharply, face red with anger. "Well, tell him to keep up his cocky self! At least we all know Jun has a brighter personality than someone I know of."

"Bright, my foot. Are you seriously blind? He acts like and is a fool. I thought you had more taste than that."

"Koko, tell him to mind his own business. I'm not blind, and I do have taste. Jun is a gentleman, and he won't ever insult me or make fun of me."

"I surrender unconditionally! Don't involve me." Koko raised his hands in defeat.

"Oh yeah?" Natsume growled. "Then ask him to do your math homework for you!"

"You know what? I think that is what I will do! Why are you so worked up about Jun, anyway? What do you have against him?"

Ruka could see everyone staring. Jun's friend slapped him on the back.

Natsume laughed darkly. "I just pity the guy, that's all. I mean, he got dragged into going out with you. So glad I'm not in his position. I wouldn't want to go out with you, ever."

Yuu almost spat his tea out. Nonoko gasped. Sumire dropped her fry. That's it. Mikan was left speechless. Hastily, she turned to leave, but not before the group caught her running away with tears in her eyes.

Natsume, at the realisation of him going too far, looked like he wanted to slap himself as he sank back into his seat. Too late, the damage was done. The damsel was in distress.

"Seriously, you guys argue like a husband and wife. I'm too old for all these drama and shit. Hyuuga, get yourself together and stop being so pathetic. It's been 7 freaking years. Just tell her you love her instead of being a jealous ass." Hotaru pushed her plate away and stood up to leave.

"You did go a bit too far, Natsume. Just tell her how you feel! Not that tough for a smart guy like you." Anna sighed.

"Normally, I would take your side, Natsume. But really. You need a bit more sense than that. That was even more disappointing than the time you forgot her birthday. That last line? Man, you better fix it." Sumire shook her head.

The girls all stood up to leave.

"How is this my fault?" Natsume banged the table in frustration.

"That's the way women work." Mochu slapped his back to comfort him.

"But bro, you literally just broke all the rules. It was painful to watch." Koko said.

"Stop adding salt to my wound."

Yuu laughed. "Natsume, with that brilliant brain of yours, I'm surprised you're so hopeless when it comes to women."

"I think what you need is a serious crash course on dating." Koko added.

* * *

><p>"Can I have more reliable teachers than you guys? What do you guys know when it comes to love?" Natsume growled as they sat huddled together at the back of the cafeteria.<p>

Tsubasa, who had been dragged into the course as senior advisor, couldn't help but snicker.

"Of course we know more than you. Proof is that none of us here is single. Except you."

Natsume's scowl deepened. "Youichi's here. He's not really attached, is he?"

"Youichi doesn't count. He's just curious. And he's 10. You want to compete with a 10 year old? Meanwhile, your teenage years are dying." Mochu stated and Youichi grinned.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure many girls out there are dying to be with me. I can't be that bad." Natsume crossed his arms.

"Right. But my dear boy, the problem is that YOU can't get the girl YOU want! How ridiculous is that? You're like a joke. You're putting your good looks and good brains to waste. Besides, your target is Mikan Sakura. Mikan Sakura! How difficult can she get? You want to try Sumire?" Koko argued.

"Misaki." Tsubasa groaned.

"Nonoko may look like that, but she's actually pretty intimidating." Yuu pointed out.

"When Anna is angry… man." Mochu's face fell.

"Oh please, I've got Hotaru." Ruka half laughed.

"Okay, let us stop wasting time." Koko continued. "Mochu, you can be our scribe." He handed him a notepad. The words "Best Boyfriend 101" were written in bold across the first line.

"When it comes to Natsume, we actually have to go back to the basics. Let's list out some of the must haves for a boyfriend."

"Number 1. A boyfriend must know what his girl likes. Without her telling you so." Yuu stated almost matter-of-factly. The rest nodded in agreement and Mochu hurried to write it down.

"And how exactly am I supposed to know what she likes without asking?" Natsume challenged.

Mochu rolled his eyes. "You observe them, duh. Pay attention to what they do. What does she always order at Starbucks? Which shop does she always go to when she goes shopping? What is her favourite day of the week? You must know them," He raised his hand. "like the back of your hand." Natsume merely scoffed as he raised his eyebrows in doubt.

"Don't believe me?" Mochu snapped his fingers. "Quick, Koko. Quiz me."

"Uhh… Her favourite ice cream flavour? Her favourite outfit? What shampoo does she use? Which photo does she put in her room?"

"Salted caramel. The blue sundress her mother sent her. Probably Redken or Sunsilk. There's the photo of Class B, her parents, and us on our 6 month anniversary." He answered without a moment of hesitation. The table burst into applause. "That's how you do it." Mochu smirked smugly at Natsume.

"Hn. No big deal."

"No big deal? How about you try it, Natsume?"

"Why should I?"

"Just do it."

Natsume paused for a long time. "Uhhhh… Chocolate? That red…dress or pants thing she wore on her birthday. Shampoo? I don't know, Pantene? Photos…? Does she have photos? Probably of her and Imai…?"

"That red thing is called a romper. It's like a one-piece outfit." Said Ruka.

"She uses Dove, Natsume. Sumire's been telling me how Dove is making Mikan's hair shine and she wanted to switch to Dove too."

"She has the photo of Class B, her grandpa and her parents. Partial point for you, she does have one of Hotaru." Tsubasa shook his head.

"Mikan nee-chan likes strawberry ice cream. She buys one for herself whenever she treats me." Youichi pointed out.

Mochu sat there with a look that said "See?" and watched Natsume blow his own hair.

* * *

><p>"Okay. Rule 2. You must never, ever, ever tell them the truth when it comes to their physical image."<p>

"Agreed. Do you know what happened when I once called Misaki's dress too old fashioned? She blew up. Boom! Like a volcano." Tsubasa flinched as he recalled the memory. "Girls like to do little things to themselves and hope we will notice," Ruka added. "If we don't… er… well, we just have to."

"It can be just small things. A new lip gloss colour. A new dress. Some manicure or mascara. A different hairstyle."

"Make sure you compliment them, because you'll score a lot of bonus points."

"The only time you can object to what they are wearing," Yuu began.

"is when they are wearing something too provocative." Koko finished.

"And then you lend her your jacket or something. Try to wear a windbreaker on dates. Dead useful when she's cold or when guys start staring." Said Tsubasa.

"Wait up guys! Can't keep up…uhhh… Compliment…" Mochu continued to scribble furiously.

* * *

><p>"Next. Now let me ask you, Natsume. Say, your date with Mikan starts at 7pm. When do you get there?"<p>

"7." Natsume rolled his eyes.

The boys groaned.

"Wrong! Don't let the girl wait." Ruka explained.

"But I'm not late. Meet at 7 means be there by 7."

"Not the case with girls. What if something crops up and you actually arrive there late? Plus, it's bad to leave a girl standing alone, waiting."

"I saw Mikan-nee waiting for Natsume-nii in front of the coffee shop a few times in Central Town." Youichi mumbled.

"Youichi, are you a stalker? Why are you always watching her?" Youichi just shrugged.

"But you really don't know anything, Natsume-nii."

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>"You also have to be interested in whatever they say. Even when Nonoko goes on and on about science, Hotaru about money, Mikan about anything under the Sun. You listen. Because females like to talk, it's our job to listen."<p>

"That's bullshit."

"Always offer to carry her things for her."

"Why should I carry her stuff? It's her fault she overspends."

"Be friends with her friends. That's super important. Females love togetherness. They even go to the toilet together. If you offend one of her friends, yikes."

"So am I supposed to be best friends with Imai too?"

"Plan small surprises for her. Buy her a rose. Give her a box of fluff puffs. Make her happy."

"I can make her happy without those."

"Another thing. You have to understand that their brains are wired differently. Most females like to talk about their problems. Who they hate, what trouble they're in, but they don't necessarily take any action to solve the problem. They just like someone to hear them out. Which is different from what we think, because men like to tackle the problems themselves. But never tell her to suck it up and deal with it. Be patient and listen."

"Then why would she tell me her problems if I'm not supposed to do anything about it?"

"Be honest. Your problem, Natsume, is that your pride gets in the way of everything. If you hate Jun because he swoons at Mikan, just tell her. If she's beautiful, tell her that, don't try to insult her to hide your embarrassment."

"I am NOT embarrassed. And I don't hate Jun because of that."

"See? Why won't you admit things? You know why you guys are not even together yet? You haven't even told her how you feel about her. Just let go of your damned pride. What good does it do in the name of love?" Tsubasa said.

"…" This time, Natsume had no come back.

"That is exactly how you lost your girl."

Mochu tapped his pen impatiently. "So this Boyfriend 101 thing is useless right now. You need to become her boyfriend first." He inserted an arrow on the first line and wrote "Step 0: Become the boyfriend."

"She wouldn't even talk to me." Natsume blew at his hair again in frustration.

"Frankly, I wouldn't want to talk to you either after that."

"Thanks."

"Now we need to tell you how to make up with her. Here, write it down on your hand." Mochu tossed him the pen.

"1. Approach her. She'll likely ignore you, but keep following until she turns around."

"Then you apologise to her. Admit you're a giant arse. Take back whatever you said."

"Tell her the real reason you hate Jun. That you're jealous. And you lost your mind just now."

"And also don't look away when you say that! Maintain eye contact. Sincerity is key."

"Tell her it broke both of your hearts when she cried. And you'll put her heart back together."

"And finally, confess. Say the magic words. Make her yours. You can even kneel on the floor for dramatic effect."

"Don't get too physical. Don't say anything unnecessary. Whatever she accuses, you accept it and apologise."

"Ask her out for the movie again. This time, get the couple seat."

"Insert all kinds of cheesy lines. You want her for worse or better and you'll wait forever and ever."

"Buy Mikan-nee some fluff puffs."

Natsume's palm was already scrawled with tiny words. The boys look pretty satisfied. "If you follow these, it should work. I mean, Mikan forgives and forgets faster than any of our girls." Said Koko.

"Really, if you mess up, then I'd say you are officially a hopeless cause." Tsubasa laughed. "This is practically a step-by-step solution. And it's for free! Why am I such a kind person? Nobody provided me any guidance in my love life."

From a distance, the girls are back. Nonoko was dragging a very pouty looking Mikan, who was wearing that red… romper thing. So it was her favourite outfit after all. Natsume would never say it, but it was his favourite outfit of her too. Though it showed off her back too much.

"Mikan's coming. And there's Jun waiting over there." Yuu pointed to their backs. He gave Natsume a rough shove. "Why are you still sitting here? You really want her to go with Jun? Get going!" Natsume started to rise.

"Remember! Apologise. And stick. to. the. plan."

* * *

><p>Ugh. Tell him again why he decided to do this. Just seeing himself getting closer to where Mikan was made him feel like puking. He glanced back at the bench of guys giving him moral encouragement. Yuu was mouthing "Go!" and Tsubasa was nodding.<p>

Natsume squinted at his hand. Step 1. Approach her until she responds. She had to pass by him to get to Jun. When she finally approached, he stood in front of her, hands in his pockets. He could hear Sumire and Nonoko whispering something as they watched him. "Uh, Mikan?" He stammered.

She walked right past him as if he wasn't there.

Natsume swivelled his head to see the swish of her ponytail. What was that? She just ignored him completely!

"Oi!" He turned to chase after her. "I'm trying to talk!" He shouted before grabbing her arm and turning her around.

"I have nothing to say to you." She threw him a look of disgust and tried to pry herself free.

"Well, I have something to say. And you need to listen."

"Why do I have to listen to you? You don't give a crap about what I say all the time! Let go of me!" She screeched. But Natsume held her arm firmly and she had no choice but to remain there. Okay, step 1 accomplished.

He tried to peek at his hand again.

"I… Um…" He muttered.

"You're wasting my time." She glowered at him.

"Why isn't he saying it? Come on, say it. Say it out loud." Mochu was getting impatient just by looking.

"I want to apologise."

Mikan looked like she just heard the funniest joke ever. "You want to apologise? For? You sure have a lot of things to apologise to me for." She spat.

"Um, I…" _Admit I'm an arse._ He read. But he didn't think he was an arse at all.

"Uh what? You don't know? How about I remind you? Last week when you made fun of me in front of the whole class? Or when you forgot my birthday this year? Oh, I know. Maybe that time you made me wait outside the freaking coffee shop for like 2 hours in the god damned blizzard because you forgot you were meeting me!?" Her pitch was rising higher and higher.

"Wait! Can you just, like, shut up for a second?"

"You're telling me to shut up now? Alright, I'm listening." Her ears were turning red from shouting.

"Say you are an ass, you ass!" Koko wanted to shout, but Ruka held him down.

"Okay." Natsume glanced at his hand again. "So, uhh, about what happened earlier… I…" _I am an ass. Come on. It's just three words._

"I admit that I was an ass." There! The words were out! Step 2 accomplished. Mochu gave Koko a high-five.

Mikan looked visibly surprised. Somewhere at the back, Sumire voiced her astonishment. "Did Natsume just say that?" "I think…he did…" Anna was speechless.

"But you were an ass to me too." Natsume continued. As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. His brain was screaming at his stupidity. A loud groan fell over the boys. "I can't believe it." Said Tsubasa.

"Oh, so I'm the ass now?" Mikan looked like she was going to kill someone.

"Of course you were." Not. Shit. This was all going wrong.

"I'm an ass. That's great. Now let go of me. Don't touch me! I don't want to talk to you!"

"You don't give me a chance to talk! I take back what I said." Somehow, Natsume was getting angry as well.

"I just gave you! And what did you tell me? You said you wanted to apologise, then where's the 'I'm sorry?' Instead, you just insulted me again! Why should I listen? You aren't even sincere. Why do you keep looking at your hand? You want to slap me or something?" She was crying now.

Oh god.

"I can't bear to look at this anymore." Ruka felt like he could just punch Natsume right there and then. Hotaru was standing at the back, looking like someone just died. Very soon, Natsume WILL die.

"Natsume-nii sucks."

"You can't just take back what you said. You can't just pretend I wasn't hurt." Her voice was shaking.

"I'm not pretending you aren't hurt! I know you're hurt! I just…" Natsume pulled at his own hair. "I don't know how to do this kind of things, okay? I'm trying!" He shouted angrily.

"Why are you getting angry at me now?" She was choking on her words already. Shit. What to do now?

He can't exactly proceed to step 3. She was sobbing already. Natsume wanted to punch himself whenever she cried.

Stick to the plan. "I was…just…" _Jealous_. Say it! He felt himself clench his fist.

"Screw this whole plan!"

Natsume pulled Mikan towards her, swooped in, and kissed her.

It all happened too quickly. All the boys rose up from their seats. Koko almost fell out of his seat. Sumire gasped out in shock. Hotaru snapped pictures continuously.

"He… He… He didn't follow the plan! The plan!" Mochu protested.

"That escalated way too quickly." Ruka was horrified.

"I'm going to faint." Nonoko exclaimed.

"Youichi, don't look!" Tsubasa tried to cover his eyes. "Ehh? Why not? Get off!"

When Natsume finally let go of her, Mikan had stopped crying. She stood there, frozen on the spot, still unable to comprehend what just happened. "You… Did you just…" She stuttered. "You… you just…"

"Shh. Don't talk. I'm sorry." Natsume whispered and the next thing she knew, Natsume had pulled her into a hug.

"That's cheating! That's going against all the rules! I said not to get physical!" Koko was not pleased.

Slowly, Natsume began to let go of her figure. "Is that enough for you now?" Then he turned around and left swiftly. He left her standing there in the middle of everything.

"Moron! Come back!" Yuu shouted in fury.

Mikan blinked in surprise. What just happened? She lifted her hands and slowly touched her lips, suddenly embarrassed. Did… Did he just kiss her?

"Natsume! Wait!" The next thing, Mikan was hurrying after him.

They all watched the scene unfold. Trust Natsume to make a girl run after him after he apologised. Only he could pull it off so gallantly and still succeed. Jun was left forgotten.

"But…We're supposed to be the teachers. He isn't supposed to be better than us." Ruka didn't know what to feel.

The girls joined in the guys.

"Finally, there's some progress! Oh. My. God. I could fall for him all over again like this." Sumire was so excited she couldn't stop squealing.

"Aww. Who knew he had it in him after all?"

"Always the master of all things moronic yet genius." Hotaru complimented.

"It was so cool!" Anna clapped her hands in admiration.

…

"He stole my girl." Koko was unamused.

"He stole all our girls." Mochu cried out in anguish.

* * *

><p>The news made it to the Alice Headlines by mid-day. Natsume Hyuuga and Mikan Sakura, an official couple. Koko caught sight of a happy, bouncing brunette that evening as she hooked her arm around Natsume's to go off to the movies.<p>

The next day, Yuu demanded payment for the crash course indignantly. "We contributed our time and effort," He reasoned. "So it's fair you pay us a little compensation."

"I didn't use any of your advice." Natsume calmly took a swig of coke.

Tsubasa arrived at the table, a hand supporting his reddened cheek.

"What happened to you?" Yuu asked.

"I kissed her after a bicker, like you did."

"And then?"

"She slapped me!" He howled in anger. "She hates me now!"

Natsume stood up to leave.

"You can't just copy my trick. These guys can give you a lesson on how to win her back. Would you like a pen to write them on your hand?"

* * *

><p>And man, that was a long one-shot. Hope you guys liked it :) I probably won't be writing anymore until about Christmas time, because i'm going off for a vacation. See you guys soon!<p> 


End file.
